fucked

fucked

i meant it when i said every other poem is about you

because all the other ones are about him

i should’ve known that my love for you wasn’t the same that we wouldn’t be the same, when i fell for him.

i should’ve known, and i did but i didn’t listen because i didn’t want to hear.

there were no signs but their were i just didn’t want to see them

i had the answer i just wouldn’t open it and accept it.

i chose my dream over my reality and it really fucked me up when i finally woke up.

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Jealous

You showing jealousy over me used to make me think you wanted me

Now I know that is the farthest thing from what jealousy is

It’s insecurity on your part, and lack of trust on mine

~ It wasn’t just you at fault

Serial lover // oxygen theif

this doesn’t feel like nothing

this feels like everything

still, after each time and time

it still feels

it lives and thrives and drains

but just me, never you

you drain from a distance so as not to catch your stray bullets

you bring pain from a distance so as not to pierce your own heart

but you love so so close and still feel nothing so that i can feel everything

say it first

C’mon baby do your worst and tell me how much you miss me

Tell me how much she isn’t like me and although you appreciate her she isn’t ME

Tell me again that you “took your happiness into your own hands” when really you just lied

You can do better than that, lie to me.

Tell me that you won’t ever leave me, lie to me.

Tell me how much you wish you missed me but the truth is you actually don’t

Tell me how happy she makes you and that “she’s the best one yet”

Tell me just about anything, cause I’d give anything if I could hear your voice again

3 am

i don’t just miss you at night or on a bad day

i can miss you at any time you occupy my mind more than you might think

you and her are the only two lovers i have lost that have meant so much to me

you and her

i left you for her and she left me for another

and now there isn’t shit to do

Lessons

Since I know you won’t bless me I just let you teach me

I just remember every lesson and keep it with me everyday

No holiday breaks

No summer vacation

Nothing but this same lesson until I am so sure it is learned

Until I see your face and my heart stays put

Until I think of your hands and not long for your touch

Until I can kiss your lips and walk away

Until you are no longer within me anymore

Until it isn’t you

good goodbye

I was okay with not seeing your face, I really was. Until the second I saw your face. Now something inside me is crumbling, and it feels like my resolve to let you go. It feels like my body is going against my brain, and it’s deciding to long for you. My brain knows you do not long for things that do not want to stay, so why does my body neglect what I say. What I say goes. It can’t be trying to tell me something that I don’t know, because when it comes to you there is nothing else that I want or need to know.

Burning

I thought about you way more than usual today

I guess I’ve been feeling like you’ve needed someone to talk to. I’ve always felt like we had this connection between each other. Where we can tell how the other feels, no matter how far we are or if we aren’t even speaking. I can’t be there for you, and I wouldn’t if given the choice. It’s not a good idea. I just pray that you find your happiness and peace and yourself. I think I’ll always think of you as my soul mate, just the one that I was never supposed to end up with. The one who teaches me all the things love isn’t and a little bit of what love is. I know now that all the good ways you loved me were just a reflection of the ways I loved you, and maybe not just your love. I believe so much more in myself and my love, and you are part of the cause to that effect. I loved everything that we had, but I love even more that it ended. I’m finally getting to know me. Me without you, the me who loves herself completely. The Maia who only accepts what she deserves, and means what she says. The Maia who is strong, and happy and accepting. The Maia who moves on and lets things go, the Maia who lets you go.            She, I am magnificent.

Basket case

Every time you leave it feels like you’re taking my love away

I’ve never given all my love to anyone but you and this is why I feel so empty

This is when I start to miss you

When I miss loving and being in love

It’s all I’ve ever wanted

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