stained

so many moments of my life are tainted with you

I say tainted because I don’t see you the same

my most important moments are soiled with my love for you

and I can’t blame you for this, not that I want to

but at some point, I needed to

I couldn’t face my own mistakes with loving you

I couldn’t face how blind I was

how blind I let myself be for so long

with nothing to show for

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More than ‘Okay’

I open my eyes from thinking of you to find yours open looking at me

You give me a new feeling

One that I didn’t think I could have anymore

You make my cheeks hurt from smiling so much

I can’t seem to stop saying how much you relax my soul

You make absolute happiness possible

Now, I’m mad.

You do not get these pieces of me anymore

You may cross my mind but you don’t get my words

In fact you aren’t even in my heart

Don’t get me wrong I wish you well and that’s something considering all you’ve done

But what do you not get about me saying I don’t want you in my life at all

I don’t want to see you

Speak to you

Think about you

Feel you, like I used to

No favors can be extended to you because you’ve used way more than enough

I just want to be free,

I’ve asked you for many simple things that you’ve refused to give me

But now I only want one, to be free

Free from you and all of your shit

You manipulation

Your toxicity

Your pain and anger

Your unwavering ability to break my heart

I’ve found freedom with myself and someone else

But you won’t leave me the fuck alone

fucked

fucked

i meant it when i said every other poem is about you

because all the other ones are about him

i should’ve known that my love for you wasn’t the same that we wouldn’t be the same, when i fell for him.

i should’ve known, and i did but i didn’t listen because i didn’t want to hear.

there were no signs but their were i just didn’t want to see them

i had the answer i just wouldn’t open it and accept it.

i chose my dream over my reality and it really fucked me up when i finally woke up.

Jealous

You showing jealousy over me used to make me think you wanted me

Now I know that is the farthest thing from what jealousy is

It’s insecurity on your part, and lack of trust on mine

~ It wasn’t just you at fault

Serial lover // oxygen theif

this doesn’t feel like nothing

this feels like everything

still, after each time and time

it still feels

it lives and thrives and drains

but just me, never you

you drain from a distance so as not to catch your stray bullets

you bring pain from a distance so as not to pierce your own heart

but you love so so close and still feel nothing so that i can feel everything

say it first

C’mon baby do your worst and tell me how much you miss me

Tell me how much she isn’t like me and although you appreciate her she isn’t ME

Tell me again that you “took your happiness into your own hands” when really you just lied

You can do better than that, lie to me.

Tell me that you won’t ever leave me, lie to me.

Tell me how much you wish you missed me but the truth is you actually don’t

Tell me how happy she makes you and that “she’s the best one yet”

Tell me just about anything, cause I’d give anything if I could hear your voice again

3 am

i don’t just miss you at night or on a bad day

i can miss you at any time you occupy my mind more than you might think

you and her are the only two lovers i have lost that have meant so much to me

you and her

i left you for her and she left me for another

and now there isn’t shit to do

Lessons

Since I know you won’t bless me I just let you teach me

I just remember every lesson and keep it with me everyday

No holiday breaks

No summer vacation

Nothing but this same lesson until I am so sure it is learned

Until I see your face and my heart stays put

Until I think of your hands and not long for your touch

Until I can kiss your lips and walk away

Until you are no longer within me anymore

Until it isn’t you

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