It’s only been 4 days. It’s felt like a year. And that’s a good thing I’m thinking because I swear time stops when I’m with you. You still make me nervous and when I hear about any of your others I feel a deep pain in my chest. Sometimes I ask myself why do I still hang on to you? Why do I still love you? Because you simply make me happy, and you make me smile. You kiss me like you mean it and you hold me tight. I feel safe when I’m with you and I feel comfortable and it feels right. and before when you’ve left me I’ve always felt so empty, but you’ve always come back.
And sometimes I’m never sure if it’s the right reason but it must be, right? I want to marry you. I want to wake up next to you every day I can. I want to make you take our kids to school early in the morning when I’m too lazy to do it myself. I want to pick out colors to paint our walls with in our house. I want to stay up late nights reading you poetry and showing you my writing. I want you to be the first person I tell when I publish a book and I hit an amazing number of sells. I want every aspect of life with you. I want you to be here when I lose the people in my family because I know you can share the silence when I need it. I want you to be the one to hold my feet in the winter when it’s cold, and tease me about wearing sweaters or jeans in the summer. I want to argue with you about stupid things that we’ll kiss and be over in a matter of 5 mins. I want to sit on the toilet pooping and talk to you while you take showers and make you desserts when your sad and buy you cheez itz when you’ve had a bad day. I don’t know any other way to tell you how much I love you and want to be with you. I only hope you’ll want me when I’m ready to take you up on the chance to make things right. I hope you won’t be in love with someone else, or be happier without me by your side. I’m in love with you and I want nothing more to heal and to love and be with you better than we’ve ever been before. I have this vision in my head of how great it can be. I just want it all to be great. And I know life isn’t perfect, and things fall apart and people leave and fall out of love but we aren’t those people because we aren’t fate or destiny or even chance. We choose to be, we believe in us and we fight for us and we love for us. We’ve hurt each other we’ve lied and cried but we fix it, and we move on. I think is choosing is stronger than any kind of fate or destiny . It’s magical, it’s something I don’t even know if I have a word for it. it’s you. precious. I love you.
“The deadliest of all deadly things: it kills you both when you have it and when you don’t”